The wish list app Ønskeskyen is at the centre of a new debate in Denmark, as after-school clubs in Roskilde report that digital wish lists are creating social pressure and bullying among children.
How the wish list app Ønskeskyen shapes children’s wishes
Ønskeskyen is a popular Danish wish list app used by many families when children prepare for birthdays and Christmas. Children can create a personal “wish cloud” and share it with relatives and friends so that gifts can be coordinated.
According to several after-school clubs (fritidsklubber) in Roskilde Municipality, the app now plays a much larger role than simply organising presents. In a letter sent to all parents with children from 4th to 7th grade, the clubs warn that Ønskeskyen is increasingly used as a tool for measuring status, trends and popularity among classmates.
Staff report that children compare their wish lists and quickly learn which brands, devices and clothes are considered “right”. Instead of focusing on what they genuinely want, some children adjust their wishes to match what is seen as cool, expensive or on trend. Others hesitate to add more personal or “childish” wishes, because they fear being laughed at.
From shared wish lists to a new form of bullying
In the letter, the after-school clubs describe a pattern where Ønskeskyen becomes part of a new bullying strategy. Children and young people are not only sharing their wish lists; they also reserve each other’s wishes inside the app.
According to the clubs, this is not always done to avoid duplicate gifts. In some groups, children reserve items to ensure that others cannot receive them, or to control who gets the most expensive or most fashionable products. In practice, this gives a small group of children significant influence over which gifts their classmates receive.
The clubs also warn that some children use the app to monitor friendships. They keep track of who buys what for whom and interpret this as a sign of how close different friendships are. If a child does not receive gifts from the “right” classmates, or receives something cheaper than others, this can quickly become a topic of conversation and exclusion.
Staff in the after-school clubs say that this behaviour adds a new digital layer to traditional forms of social pressure and bullying. What used to happen in the schoolyard is now organised, documented and amplified through a single app.
After-school clubs call on parents to talk about digital wish lists
To respond to these developments, the Roskilde clubs encourage parents to pay closer attention to how their children use Ønskeskyen. In the letter, they ask parents to talk with their children about who they share their wish clouds with and what kind of wishes they put on the list.
The clubs underline that the app itself is not necessarily the problem. Instead, they highlight the way it is embedded in children’s social lives, where peer pressure, branding and comparison play a major role. Without guidance, children may feel compelled to ask for expensive products or to hide wishes that do not fit the group norm.
Parents are therefore asked to support their children in using the app in a more thoughtful way: focusing on what they actually need or would enjoy, rather than on what others might think looks impressive. The clubs also invite parents to contact them if they see similar problems at home, so that school and leisure staff can respond together.
Experts warn of trend-measuring and status competition
Jonas Ravn, a senior consultant specialising in young people’s digital wellbeing at the Center for Digital Pædagogik, describes how wish list apps can become a form of trend measurement among children.
According to Ravn, children often feel that they are expected to share their Ønskeskyen lists with friends in order to “inspire” each other. Over time, this can turn into an informal ranking of what one ought to wish for and which products are currently “hitting” among peers. For many children and young people, this becomes a constant source of comparison.
Experts point out that such apps can reinforce existing social and economic differences. Children who cannot or do not want to ask for expensive items may feel that their lists are less valuable. Others may fear being judged if their wishes do not match the dominant trends in their class.
At the same time, specialists stress that digital tools can also be used positively, for example by helping families avoid unnecessary consumption or duplicate gifts. The key, they argue, is to contextualise apps like Ønskeskyen within broader conversations about values, friendship and money.
Digital wellbeing, consumer culture and the Nordic debate
The discussion around Ønskeskyen comes at a time when digital wellbeing and children’s mental health are high on the political and public agenda across the Nordic countries. In recent years, debates have mainly focused on social media, screen time and smartphones in school. The concerns raised in Roskilde show how even seemingly harmless tools, such as wish list apps, can shape children’s everyday lives.
The situation also reflects broader questions about consumer culture in the Nordics, where high living standards coexist with strong expectations around lifestyle and brands. When these expectations move into digital platforms used by children, they can become more visible – and more difficult to escape.
For municipalities, schools and after-school clubs, the Ønskeskyen case is a reminder that digital pedagogy needs to follow the tools that children actually use, from messaging apps to niche platforms. For parents, it highlights the importance of asking not only what apps their children have, but also how these apps structure friendships, wishes and belonging.
The clubs in Roskilde hope that the current discussion will lead to more open dialogue between adults and children about gifts, money and social norms – both online and offline. Whether Ønskeskyen continues to be a source of pressure and bullying, or becomes a more neutral tool again, will largely depend on how families and institutions choose to use it in the coming months and years.
